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Lifting weights and crosses (The Man reflects)
Sep-02-2008 No, this is not another going-to-the-gym post, but rather one which centers on last week's Gospel, a Gospel which makes sense of why I'm doing what I've been doing these past few weeks: If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. A lot of people have been asking me, "What's up with you," "Any updates" or even "Where've you been," all because I haven't been around in the scene lately, nor have I been posting anything that says "I have a life" on my website. We can blame work or even prior commitments. But at the end of the day, we all have choices. And the events unfolding in our lives today are a consequence of those decisions that we've made. Decisions. I've always thought decisions in our lives have a template; each situation has a constructed answer that must be followed lest we be branded as idiots, deviants or ingrates. But during an almost career-shift more than a year ago, I was given the most mind-blowing realization of how we have full control of our decisions, which I paraphrase: "You can decide to abandon your family in search of a 'good life' but instead you choose to stick with them and help out, putting all your dreams on hold. That's a choice in itself. That's the decision you choose because you are good." It was a good feeling to have realized that, "Yes, I'm a good person." Then again, disappointments kick in, and I find myself asking, "What's the point? What do I get from being 'good?' Worse people have behaved the worst, and yet they seem to be happy with their lives." Perfectly happy. The last time I felt perfectly happy was never. I've been happy, yes. But never perfectly. Never completely. And while I was drowning in my caricature of life, out of nowhere God tells me: ...he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me...whoever loses his life for me will save it. I guess this is my cross to bear. I decide to "lose my life" and "do the good thing" not because it's expected of me or because it's the right thing to do, but precisely because it's the good thing to do; it's inherently good in itself. So why have I been missing from the scene this past few weeks? Simply because I might have other good things to do. Things that make me happy, maybe not perfectly, maybe not completely, but at least happy enough to know that "I'm a good person, and I'm doing good things." What good have you done lately? |
