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On Wanting (The Man takes a stand)
Jun-17-2008 People want simple things. The problem lies on possessing those simple things. We make choices, compromises. We procrastinate, we rationalize, we re-prioritize over and over again. All these make things far more complex than what they are supposed to be. And those people who only want to attain the simple things in life suddenly find themselves saying, "It's complicated." I only want simple things. In fact, I want the simplest thing of all: to find someone who defines love the way I do. But it's easier said than done. It's easy to meet a girl; almost just as easy is to find a nice girl. A bit of effort is needed to find one you can introduce to your friends; a bit more for someone you can ask your parents to meet. Nonetheless, it's something I wouldn't classify as hard. If I wanted a part-time, a "mean-time" relationship, I'd have that. Like I said, it's easy to meet a girl. But I never found it to be as fulfilling as I wanted it to be. I easily grew tired of it; like most things in this life I've outgrown it. I do apologize to all concerned, but you should've known. I only put up with your stuck up friends because you were beautiful—maybe even because you were absolutely gorgeous in every physical way imaginable; I only spent a weekend in paradise with you because the place was wonderful—you were, too, just a bit less; I only hungout with you as much as possible because you were good—stupefyingly, mind-blowing, out-of-this-world, drive-me-crazy good. That's not what I want. At least not now after I can finally say that I've been there, done that. I want to be with someone who gets me at my shallowest and my deepest; my wittiest and my most ignorant; my wisest and my most naive. I want someone I can have fun with whether we're doing the best thing in the world or just imagining it. I want someone who'll laugh with me or at me as I laugh with her or at her. I want someone who understands my sorrows and my bliss; my responsibilities and my limitations. Frankly speaking, it's still easy to find someone like that, I should know. But the thing that's hard is I want someone who doesn't have a boyfriend. I want someone to not be in a rocky relationship she's half-trying to work out. Worst, I want someone who's not engaged to be married. For once, I just want to find that girl who fits the profile and who's actually available, because I'm tired of feeling guilty. I'm tired of fearing that someone else might get hurt. I'm tired of pretending to be just a friend in front of everybody else. I have enough troubles in my life without worrying how the two of us can be when we can't. I just want someone who's easy to love, just because I love her. I want to spend every night with her, with her head on my shoulder and our fingers entwined. I want to wake up next to her every morning and realize that of the million things I wish to have in this life, the very top of my list says "I wish I could give her all the happiness in the world today." I want to drive her to work, pick her up afterwards, cook dinner for her, and massage her even if I need massaging myself. I want to get what she's thinking, and be absolutely delighted when we finish each other's sentences. I want to us to think we're living a fairy tale because we found each other. I want what we have to last, not just long, but forever. And ever. I want to find someone who's status says "single." I'm tired of being in a relationship I know will never develop because I myself don't want it to, not when there are other parties involved. I'm tired of finding the right one when she's someone else's right one. I'm tired of wanting what I can't want because I don't want what I really want to want. All that complexity, just because I want one simple thing: to find that someone who sees love the way I do. People want simple things. But people go through great lengths to complicate what is simple. Just because they want it to be. If I didn't want what I want or if I wanted to want what I don't want, everything would be absolutely simple. Or would it be? |
